The One Thing That Every Special Education Parent Should Know
About ten years ago, back when Ian was a middle school student with a boy’s voice and shoe size, I attended a meeting of special education parents. The president of this group was a nice lady, but had a tendency to ramble about her son, who was a senior at the high school. Her son’s issues were very different from mine, so I would often get impatient hoping that she would move onto other business. But that one day, she had some very useful advice.
The PTA president said, “whatever you do, never, ever let your child graduate from high school. They can walk with the robes and get a fake diploma, but don’t let them officially graduate.” Why would she say this? She explained, “because there’s nothing else out there. You might think they are going to go to college, but who knows if that will really work out.”
That day, I learned two lessons. One lesson was that that you’ll only learn important things about special education from talking to other parents. (More on this another time.) The second lesson was that I would keep my son in public education, even if the system was HIGHLY imperfect.
Fast forward, nine years later, Ian walked in robes and got a piece of paper and didn’t actually graduate from high school, even though he met all the requirements for graduation. Ian was not ready to get a job or go to college, because he has poor social skills, which were made worse by 1-1/2 years of terrible pandemic education. I had no other options for him.
The rules around 18-21 education are rather vague. Public schools are supposed to keep educating students with IEPs until they are 21, but they are not obligated to educate ALL students with IEPs. Traditionally, they have allowed a handful of students with severe cognitive and developmental disabilities to continue learning life skills at an in-house program or at another local program. Those programs were never very rigorous, more babysitting than a serious program.
But in recent years, there are more and more students like my son in the system. These new kids have average IQs, even superior ones, but have challenges related to autism, which mean that they can’t transition easily to college. They are too odd to get a job at the supermarket or book store. They aren’t strong enough to go a trade school to repair cars or cut down trees. Parents have gotten more savvy about the reality of post-high school life and are refusing to leave.
Schools don’t want complicated kids like mine hanging around in these 18-21 programs, because teachers and classrooms cost money. They don’t want to educate anybody longer than they have to.
In addition, smart kids are a pain-in-the-ass. Their parents expect that the teachers in these programs will actually teach, and not babysit. They are few lessons that will work for both smart and cognitively challenged students, so the school might need to create two separate programs. The school will have to provide social skills curriculums and post-secondary support.
To avoid these expenses and complications, your school might try to push your child out the door. Don’t let that happen. Hire a lawyer or get outside evaluations, if necessary. Put a smile on your face at IEP meetings and just say, “no.”
So, why squeeze a square kid, like mine, into this round hole of an 18-21 program? In part, because there are no special education rights in the real world.
An IEP is a very, very, very important protection for a student and a parent. A parent can hold meetings and demand good programs. If the school doesn’t provide a good program, then the parent can sue the district for damages. Parents can also encourage the district to send your child to a better (and costly) private program. You’ll appreciate your child’s IEP in a whole new way, when you realize that you will never be able to expect results or demand changes ever again.
Your child’s IEP ends when they graduate from high school. Community colleges will not honor them. Colleges are not obligated to educate your child and provide them with the same accommodations that were available in high school. Professors have zero experience and training in special eduction. Job sites are even more unfriendly. 85% of adults with autism, even those who complete college, are not employed. There should be more rights for disabled people outside of schools, but there’s not.
You also want your child to stay in public education, because there aren’t great alternatives. If your child cannot manage a full time job, a trade school, or a community college, then they will sit on the sofa with nothing to do. After your child turns 21, the state might provide your adult-child with some really bad programs aimed at adults with more serious conditions. Those programs are run by people with borderline skills and education. The state programs are not affiliated with public education, so any random person might be running them. The standards for those programs are very low. If your student is smart, there’s a good chance that they will not want to step a foot in those bad state programs.
An 18-21 program gives your child two, or even three, more years of activity, challenge, social life, and time to improve. The teachers will be actual teachers with good pay and benefits. And, hopefully, those two years will give your child the time and support that they need to ease into the real world. We’re hoping that Ian will be able to complete his IT degree at the community college and find employment, after he finishes this school program.
The ultimate nightmare is that your child graduates from high school with nothing to do. Isolation and boredom are the devil. Don’t let that happen. As a parent of a child with special needs, you know that advocacy is essential. The end of high school is not the time to take an advocacy vacation. You must insist that your child stays in public school for as long as possible.
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