How to Think Differently

A portion of Chapter 6 from my upcoming book

Book Excerpt.

Chapter 6: Think Differently

Intro

If your child is in high school, chances are that your friends are in a frenzy about now. They’re touring college campuses and sharing notes about business programs and sports teams. They may be driving their kids to SAT prep classes on weekends and nudging their kids to start thinking about their college essays. They are probably complaining about all this work, but you know they’re proud of their children and their accomplishments.

They should be proud of their kids, just as you are proud of yours. But, if we’re being totally honest, it does feel a little alienating, because you don’t have those same options. That’s okay. We have options, too.

On top of all the college talk among your friends, your school and community may be bragging about the kids going off to fancy colleges with pictures on social media and the school newsletter. The bulletin boards in the school hallway may be covered with information about ivy-league colleges. Your guidance counselor probably doesn’t know about college programs for students with disabilities, so you’re searching for information on Google.

Hugs. You’ve found your people. This book is for you. We’re square peg families, and we’re proud about it.

This chapter will provide a broad overview of the higher ed landscape for neurodiverse students, with greater details to follow in subsequent chapters. Because each of our kids has their own flavor of autism, not all these options will be right for your child at this moment. I’ll discuss the traditional college options, alternative college programs, and non-college routes.

But mostly, my goal in this chapter is to get you thinking differently. Colleges have some great new opportunities for neurodiverse kids. There are ways to retrofit the traditional systems to work for our kids. I want to you to consider those options, for sure. I also want you to think about how your child can approach college differently than other kids — gradually and incrementally. I want you to understand the options outside of college.

In the next few years, you’ll be working just as hard as your friends, but in your own way. I want you to brag about it, too. Your kid is just as awesome as the kids who are choosing between Harvard and Yale. So, tell your mom friends about the special program at the autism college. Post pictures on Facebook. Share your story with others, and you’ll feel the love.

Get excited because this is a great time for you and your child.

Traditional Colleges and the College Alternatives

A four-year college can be a great choice for some neurodiverse students. Some can thrive on a traditional college campus with few, if any, supports. Others might need a little extra time on tests and a quiet room to take tests. Some students might prefer a less competitive school environment on a smaller campus.

For students who looking for a more career-oriented program with a slower pace, students can earn an Associates Degree or a Certificate Degree at a community college. There are also trade schools and online college programs.

These are the long-standing options in higher education. Neurodiverse student can fit into those options, if their academics are on grade level (or close to grade level), behaviors are minor, and have adequate communication skills. Students who fit best into these colleges, probably spent most of their time in mainstream high school classrooms and were well integrated into community.

Traditional Programs

•  4 Year Colleges

•  Community Colleges

⁃                     Associate degree

⁃                     Certificate Programs

•  Trade Schools

•  Online Education

As we know, not all autistic people are alike. Young adults with autism may have challenges with reading comprehension, executive functioning, social skills, anxiety, OCD, sensory needs, mental health, and more. They may have an intellectual disability. If those issues are major issues for your student, then they’ll need a special program or college.

For students with autism that need more support, there are a growing number of options for them. There are specialized programs with colleges that provide individual counseling, job training, social skill training and peer mentors. Some colleges offer programs aimed at students with intellectual disabilities where they can earn a non-degree bearing certificates. There are even programs that help autistic students learn job skills.

The Alternatives

•  Special Autism Support Programs Within Traditional Colleges

•  Transition Programs (Public, Private, College)

•  College I/DD Programs

•  Autism Colleges

•  Add-On Programs

•  Summer Bridge Programs

The “Not College” Option

What if none of these options on a college campus are right for your child? Some kids dislike classwork, even the modified curriculum in a specialized setting or the career-oriented work in a certificate program.  Some kids, even the super smart ones, dislike being in an academic setting; it stressed them out or they might have behaviors that make it difficult for them to blend into the expectations of a college setting. Other students with autism are nonverbal and have very high support needs.

Colleges are expensive and may scare away some parents. The Spectrum Support program at RIT costs another $12,000 per year on top of the usual cost of attendance of $72,000. But there’s always a way to finance college in a more affordable way. Students can start at a low-cost community college and then transfer to a more expensive college for the last three years. Students may qualify for government grants that are aimed at neurodiverse students. Some specialized programs are free because they are supported by other grants. There’s a way to make college work for any income.

But still, college isn’t right for all students with autism. What are the options for those students? There are a few alternative tracks, none of which are perfect: employment, day settings, and DIY home programs. We’ll talk more about those options in Chapters 9 and 10.

But as you make decisions about path, first and foremost, you want to prioritize a route where your child is most happy and safe. If your child is happiest at a day program surrounded by warm caretakers, where they spend the afternoon crafting projects on a picnic bench in the park, that is where they should be. A young autistic man that I frequently see at Home Depot on weekends beams with pleasure as he points customers to the right aisle. That’s what you want for your kid - you want them beaming with pleasure on whatever path they travel down.

You might have a fully stocked 529 with $300,000, but if your kid would rather be in Home Depot than in college lecture hall, you must make an adjustment in your plans. There’s way of winding down that 529 without spending it on college. Don’t make that money an excuse to push kid down a path that isn’t right for them.

Not everyone goes to college. Not everyone who goes to college is successful. This is the time when you must open your mind to all the possibilities.

Gradually, Incrementally, Sneak Up on College

We are conditioned as parents to expect that our kids are educated on a conveyer belt, with educational stages happening in a certain order.   From kindergarten to first grade, then eventually to middle school and then high school. K-12 education is predictable and rigid, with medications made for the kids who need extra help.

In fact, it is nearly impossible to not graduate from high school. If you show up every day, they will give graduate you. If you can’t jump over their hurdles, they will adjust the hurdles, and then graduate you. They want you out the door, because having a high graduation percentage is good for their ratings, which then boosts home values. Besides, they really don’t want to pay to educate you for any more time than is necessary.

With the inevitable conveyer belt of education, you might think that your child must go to college at age 18, graduate in four years, and then get a job. That’s not the norm for most teenagers. Some leave high school before graduation. Many never apply to college. Only 40 percent of students at four-year colleges graduate in four years. So, please forget about that model. The conveyer belt is finished.

Instead, I want you to think about college as something that your child will sneak up on when they’re ready. Some could be ready right after college. Others might need to work first or go to a transition program or take a gap year. Some might need to build more academic skills or grow socially-emotionally first. Not only are there different paths to take, but there are also different timetables.

If your child approaches college on their own timetable, they’ll be more successfully. I’m a big fan of waiting until your child is ready, in all areas, and then approaching college gradually and incrementally.

My son, at age 22, is a full-time college student for the first time. At age 19, he attended a transition program, and I helped him take one online college class. It was an easy class, so I could focus on the social norms of college with him. The following semester, he juggled a couple of online classes at his community college. Eventually, he began sitting in in-person classroom, which had a high degree of social skills. Now, he’s taking four in-person classes and working towards a computer science degree at his community college. In the spring, he’ll live in a dorm at an autism college in Vermont.

We helped him reach his goals incrementally. Baby steps of achievements. It would have been nice for this preparation to have happened in high school. Instead, we’re helping him now. Which is fine, too. 

How to Make Choices Gladly

Do you feel like these choices suck? Are you feeling sorry for yourself because you’re a Williams alum, and you wish your son was going there, too? Are you disappointed that you’re not going to be an empty nester yet, like all your friends.

You are allowed a little self-pity because this situation is a bummer. Everybody wants a Harvard sticker on their back windshield and a relief from parenting responsibilities. I want it.

Also, it’s truly sad that your kid might not be ready to experience college, in the exact same way as his classmates. College is a great place for young people. A sangri-la of great ideas and keggers. In a perfect world, all kids would have the opportunities of being on a college campus. I would love even the most high needs young people to have the opportunity to be around their peers, able to walk down the well-manicure paths through the college quad.

Can you tell I love a college campus? I loved college so much that I managed to stay in graduate school until age 34. As I walk through college campuses on research trips for my consulting business, I feel at home. A college is my happy place.

So, it’s a bummer that not all our kids will get those opportunities. We need to advocate to make our tax-funded institutions make room for all kids. You’re also allowed to be angry at the inequities in our society.

But after you finish waving your first at near-sighted politicians and you recover from dashed dreams for your children, it’s time to think happily about the options before them.