There is no reason to go to college immediately after high school. There’s no law that every 18-year has to be seated in the front row of a seminar hall taking notes in Anthro 101. Just because we did that way, and all the neighbors’ kids are wearing their college sweatshirts, it doesn’t mean that’s the only path forward.
Some kids are better served in schools that train a person directly for employment. They are great with tools and mechanical things. They have no interest in Shakespeare and Plato. They shouldn’t be forced to do something they hate for four years, when there are another path — a highly lucrative path — that would be a better fit for them.
Other students need a little more time before being successful in college. They need time to grow in other dimensions before they are ready for the rigor and self-discipline of college education. College is waiting for them, when they’re ready for it. There are no barriers to age.
We held our son, Ian, back from a four-year college for both reasons. He had a very poor education, so the liberal arts requirements at a four year college would be awful. Between the usual autism social-emotional delays and a late epilepsy diagnosis, he needed time to grow and heal. So, he spent the past three years in two different Transition Programs.
These programs weren’t an excellent fit for Ian. They were designed for students with cognitive disabilities. He didn’t always appreciate his classmates and was bored by the joint classwork. The second program was better, because he spent most of his time on a college campus and a work internship. I’m still glad that we held him back, but I wish I had found a program that was a better fit.
Despite the “fit” problem, Ian grew a lot in the past three years, between our supplemental work, his transition programs, and time. His health improved and he taught himself new skills. Like programming.
With his public school entitlement over, we enrolled him in an autism college over the summer, and now he’s taking four classes at the local community college. Three classes are in computer programming, and the fourth class is music tech.
My older son is doing one of the programming classes with Ian; he’s become our spy in the room. He reported that Ian is NAILING his classes. He already finished all the homework for the next two weeks in all of his classes. He said that Ian was a superstar in class. It was a lab class, and Ian finished the assignment long before any of the other students. His only gaff was that he cheerfully wished everyone a "happy 9/11" as he was leaving class.
The liberal arts requirements for an AA degree might be a problem for Ian. He might complete them at the autism college this spring and have the credits transferred to the community college. Or he might just spend the next three years piling up music and technology credits without worrying about the degree requirements, because he loves it and is good at it.
Just as there is no hurry to get to college, there’s no hurry to have Ian finish college and find a job. He’s receiving government disability payments, and his college education is being paid for the DVRS. The college is three miles away, so it’s easy for him to zip back and forth. It’s perfectly okay with me for him to stay at this community college for the next five years, and then we’ll figure out graduation and employment.
We have to lift our expectations for our kids — all our kids. Covid and a crappy economy upended my typical guy’s college-work trajectory, and we had to adjust to that reality, too. Once I understood the alternative timelines for both of my kids, I was much happier.
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I'm thrilled to see that you've found a niche that needed filling and have put in the effort to connect families to needed resources. As the mother of a 29 year old autistic son (level 1 usually, level 2 depending on stress level, level .5 on really good days) the resources we needed never existed at the times we needed them. There's been a lot of trial and error over the years and a lot of making stuff up as we went along. I know I would have loved to have had your resources eleven-twelve years ago when they would have benefited our family.
Well said, and with just the right response to the question of how long to delay graduation. In many cases, certainly in Ian's, the answer is: you graduate when you're ready!